So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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