No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
