She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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