And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
