make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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