guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
