drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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