We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
