It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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