covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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