i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
