I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
