I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
