update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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