Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
