Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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