he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
