Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
