When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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