Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
