Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
