That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
