wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
