he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
