I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
