elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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