worst night to have a conscience
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
