I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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