there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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