She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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