Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
how drunk are you?
Several
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
