I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
