i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
