Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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