i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
