Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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