i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
