I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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