I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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