sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
