apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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