i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
