I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
