If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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