it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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