At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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