I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
