last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
please come you make the beer taste better
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
