she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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