census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
