I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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