Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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