I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
