My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
