He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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