i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
