you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
