dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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