K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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