I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Every concussion has its silver lining
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
